[Crow spends that week focused on running. If he only thinks about what train to take and where to sleep, he doesn't have to think about feeling lost, or scared, or angry, or... guilty. He knows, in the rational part of his mind, that he shouldn't have just left. But he couldn't stand it anymore, and he was well aware Rean wouldn't let him go if he just told the truth. So he doesn't -- well, he doesn't regret the leaving in itself. He regrets the hurt he knows it must have caused Rean, but not enough to make him go back.
He wants to disappear. Not just from Rean's life, but from reality -- from his own name and all that's attached to it. He could just die, but he doesn't actually want to do that, not because he's opposed to being dead but because he's petrified of coming back to life. He doesn't want to have to remember death again.
And he doesn't want Rean to find him. That would mean explaining himself and/or returning to the life he's scared of and that Rean deserves better than. But he doesn't actually want to think about all of that either, so he spends as much time as possible either moving or sleeping.
There's only so much sleeping a guy can do though, so he's lying on the bed in his room when Rean shows up, listlessly counting the grains in the ceiling and willing his mind into a void. He groans at the knock on the door, slowly forcing himself to get up and open it. It's probably housekeeping, in which case he doesn't care, but there's always the chance he's found out, and that makes him hesitant to answer.
But he's trying not to stand out too much, so instead of being weird at the probably-maid, he opens the door and-- it's Rean. He freezes when he sees him, his hand slack on the doorknob and his face white like a sheet.
He can't even force a smile. His expression is just blank, like all those times in the past he didn't know how to react to Rean, only this time he's not staring at him but right through him.]
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He wants to disappear. Not just from Rean's life, but from reality -- from his own name and all that's attached to it. He could just die, but he doesn't actually want to do that, not because he's opposed to being dead but because he's petrified of coming back to life. He doesn't want to have to remember death again.
And he doesn't want Rean to find him. That would mean explaining himself and/or returning to the life he's scared of and that Rean deserves better than. But he doesn't actually want to think about all of that either, so he spends as much time as possible either moving or sleeping.
There's only so much sleeping a guy can do though, so he's lying on the bed in his room when Rean shows up, listlessly counting the grains in the ceiling and willing his mind into a void. He groans at the knock on the door, slowly forcing himself to get up and open it. It's probably housekeeping, in which case he doesn't care, but there's always the chance he's found out, and that makes him hesitant to answer.
But he's trying not to stand out too much, so instead of being weird at the probably-maid, he opens the door and-- it's Rean. He freezes when he sees him, his hand slack on the doorknob and his face white like a sheet.
He can't even force a smile. His expression is just blank, like all those times in the past he didn't know how to react to Rean, only this time he's not staring at him but right through him.]
...Hi.