filetofish | PSLS BECAUSE GAY

...I was planning on it.

[Goddess why is Rean such a problem? It's hard to be annoying when he's reminded why they're here in an inn nowhere near home, and how close he came, yet again, to never seeing Rean again.]

Just making sure.

[He might be making sure a lot, from now on. He was terrified, for a week, that he'd never find Crow again. Of course he's too stubborn to accept defeat but it was still a scary thought he had to chase away by chasing Crow harder. He reaches out, gently tucking Crow's bangs back behind his ears.]

I really do love you so much.

[That sincerity is embarrassing, but also precious. It makes Crow flush, so much more comfortable with rough-housing than with tender gestures. It's... Rean-like, though, that honesty. It's part of why Crow fell for him, and it's why his lop-sided smile is so warm when he reaches up to ruffle Rean's hair.]

Yeah. I'll do my best to spoil you instead of scare you, from now on.

Mm. Okay, I'll hold you to that.

I want to keep you closer. So close you can't think of running again, even if you wanted to. It's not that I don't believe you, or trust you, but when I think about going back to normal it's hard not to be scared I'll make the same mistakes and miss it when you need me.

[Crow huffs, lightly. Honestly, this softie...]

Rean. You didn't make any mistakes. I'm just an asshole.

Yeah, you definitely should have talked to me. But it's not like I didn't notice sometime was wrong. I should have pressed you more about it in the first place. It's not like just one or the other of us can be solely to blame if we're going to share everything.

Maybe. But I might have just gotten mad if you did push.

[Probably, actually. But it also would have worked, ultimately. He sighs, playing with Rean's hair and watching his face.]

But I'm glad you're stubborn, anyway.

I'd rather fight than leave you feeling like you're struggling alone.

[He can deal with getting yelled at if he thinks he's got a good reason and isn't just being intrusive.]

After all, we're in this together.

...Yeah. That's true.

[Somehow. He's not sure why he won the Reanbowl, but he did, and he's got to appreciate that.]

Sorry if I ever do fight with you. But I won't leave again. I swear.

It's okay. And like I said, I believe you. But I'll still be keeping you closer. You gave me a pretty good scare this time.

Sorry 'bout that.

[He is. Really. He's also pulling Rean in for another kiss, short but sweet.]

I love you too.

[He beams like the happiest Rean in the world. He'll never get tired of hearing that.]

Finish your breakfast, we've got plenty to do today.

Yeah, yeah. Did you eat before?

[Just gotta make sure he's not being pampered at Rean's expense!]

Mmhm.

[But he'll steal a strawberry from Crow's plate anyway.]

Good. Wouldn't want to neglect your cute body.

[He cannot resist. He isn't even trying. He is, however, gonna eat his breakfast, 'cause he has no complaints about food.]

Honestly...

[But he'll watch Crow eat fondly, before dragging him out to do helpful things around town like he threatened.]

[Now that's just terrible. He's too old for field studies, "going back to school" aside. But he is pretty happy to follow Rean around. He enjoys the workout, too, and despite what he'd tell anyone he likes people, and helping people.

So it's not so bad. And then they go home and Crow plays teacher's aide and that's not so bad either. They start sleeping in the same bed, and their physical relationship doesn't progress too much but there's more than there was before Crow ran off. It's nice.

It's a really nice life, until Crow notices his body failing. At first he thinks he's just got a cold, when he starts getting dizzy spells. But then his vision starts to gradually blur, and his fingertips start to go numb. It's mild, at first. Minor, easily worked through and dismissed. If he were older, maybe he'd assume it's just aging. But he's only 22, and the problem is just a red flag of all of his fears about ceasing to exist.

He doesn't say anything. He knows Rean's going to be angry at him, but he just doesn't know what to say. He doesn't want to spend the time he has left watching Rean cry, so instead he's determined to see Rean as happy as he can, while he can. He does his best to be a good "student". To take on the lion's share of the chores, to get better and better at cooking, to take Rean on as many stupid fluffy happy dates as he can plan.

He tries not to look like he's trying too hard, though. He doesn't want to warn Rean, so he makes sure to absolutely not give off any of his usually unhappy tells -- no spacing out, no distance. He's just all love and teasing affection, and everything is great until about a week after graduation. It's time for a new class to come in, and Rean's been busy getting this year's Class VII first years acclimated. Too busy in fact to notice that Crow's been dizzy more often the last few days. He's dizzy today, too, while they're walking side-by-side down the street towards Kirche's for lunch.

Suddenly, he slows. In the bare handful of seconds before Rean's able to realise he's falling behind, he sways, lifting a hand to his head, and just as Rean turns around he crumples to the ground, totally unconscious.]

[Rean's observant in his own ways, but Crow... Is Crow. If he's determined not to let Rean catch on, and it's not something Rean is looking for, he doesn't have much chance of catching it. And he doesn't, not until he's watching Crow fold on the sidewalk like he's a puppet with his strings cut.

He moves fast, it's a good thing speed is one of his main attributes, because he manages to catch Crow before he crashes and knocks anything into the pavement. Alarmed, he's yelling Crow's name but of course Crow isn't responding. People nearby are reacting too, because it's a dramatic scene. Ream doesn't need help carrying Crow, but he does send someone to fetch Beatrix, and then he's hauling Crow back to the church where Crow will wake up in one of the church cots, a worries Rean at his side.]

[He wakes up feeling kind of woozy, but otherwise normal. That's probably the worst part -- everything is fine until it's not, for just a moment, as if his life is a faulty orbment light, flickering as it starts to go out. He can't tell when it'll happen, but it's happening more often.

He remembers, abruptly, that this time it happened near Rean, so he goes from lashes fluttering to sitting straight up in an instant.]

--! Rean?!

[Oh hell. He's in trouble now.]

[He's sitting up too, from his worried and anxious slouch to startled and upright as Crow shoots up.]

Hey, hey settle down. I'm right here.

[He doesn't know what's wrong yet, he's worried Crow's sick, so all the abrupt movement can't be great for him.]

How do you feel?

Fine. I feel... fine.

[That's not even a lie. For now he feels fine, other than the fuzziness on the edge of his vision that's become an easily ignored constant.]

Too much beer not enough water this week, I guess.

Yeah, I'm not buying that. You're not dehydrated.

[That was the first thing the father looked for, and heatstroke, but Crow shows signs of neither.]

What's really going on?

I dunno. Just felt dizzy all of a sudden...

[Neither statement is a lie. He really doesn't know what, exactly, is happening to his body, only that it's happening. And the dizziness was very abrupt. But now that Rean's suspicious Crow's lies won't be nearly as convincing.]

[Right he absolutely doesn't buy it now, but... He sighs.]

Instructor Beatrix will want to get a better look at you then. Is dizzy the only thing?

[He's worried, deeply, but he doesn't know how worried he should be so he's also just trying to be practical.]

...

[He can't exactly protest seeing Beatrix and also pretend he isn't aware he's fucked. He's not sure what to say -- he can't lie anymore. Either he tells the truth or Rean finds out when tests are run.

He goes quiet, rather than respond. He's looking at his hands, willing them not to tremble, but not saying a word.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject