Actually, though, he's confused about Phoenix? Definitely likes him. Definitely likes him a lot!! But he's pretty sure that's like, a bad thing. Because he got so focused on him in betrayal now H is like clearly if I feel like I like him for serious it's just lingering crazy. Alsooo he knows a lot of other people are real close to Phoenix and isn't oblivious that they probably Like him too, especially y'know. In his own unit. So he doesn't want to even think about that aspect.
BUT he's still gonna be jealous for awhile. He wants really badly to be around Phoenix but doesn't trust that in himself, so he doesn't want to be around him after all. Buuut since he "can't" cling to him and "can't" have feelings of any depth platonic or otherwise, it's frustrating and will be frustrating to see other people do those things. Which just heightens both the desire to do them and the desire not to.
It's confusing. And he knows talking to Phoenix will probably make him feel better but he doesn't WANNA because he's trying so hard to put a lid on all those things. I say this now but this'll change like, tomorrow, in some capacity, so. It's an adventure.
I've been holding off because it changes every two minutes.
But basically he's just. So obsessed with and kind of in love with H? Staring at H and E for a century plus all the other mirror and associated problems has not helped his sanity at all and he has a lot of abandonment issues specifically centering around H personally. And yet he also wants to stubbornly pursue H?? But H doesn't want to date him so he's just like, in a tough position where he's too crazy and needy for H but can't bring himself to back off well and respect H's wants entirely and it's a mess.
He wants to kiss H so bad it's painful.
H is just a big mess of heartbreak and want and confusion and guilt for him right now. He's acting like, surface level sane but really his sanity is... Not? A thing? Not much of a thing. He can function just fine for the most part but his self-esteem is utterly tanked while his neediness is through the roof so it keeps being hard for him to process "H likes me actually" and it keeps getting warped to things like "I'm too damaged and weird for H to like but he puts up with me because he's good" and like, he knows, in a way, his brain is warping things, and H has been straight with him! Been honest! And that helps a lot, he's just. Not in a good enough space to not let his own severe fuckedupness twist it against himself.
It's not H's fault he's just completely having a rough time with rejection in a way he wouldn't normally, but he's absolutely having a rough time with rejection.
That said he's clinging desperately to H still wanting to be his friend, because he has so many feelings about H and while some of them are just like, plain crazy, a lot of them are just his normal affection and crush that was growing on H before that game that have just been amplified by the whole mirror stuff. There's definitely still crazy involved but a lot of it is more in enhancing and intensifying feelings that were already there and growing on their own.
Ultimately, because he knows he's so crazy right now, he really wants to respect H not wanting to be anything more than friends, and he's really glad to retain even that much, but he wants H to date him, and he knows being around H is just going to make that even more intense but he'd rather torture himself with H's company than torture himself being deprived of it, so he'll bother H plenty more and not let H push him away, or try not to. He still has the whole, "I eviscerated you sexually" guilt that is, really hard, but if H doesn't bring that up he'll try to pretend it's not there as a thing too.
He definitely thinks H is the charming and beautiful and magnetic one but like, also a jerk? Wow!! But he loves him so much, both crazily and normally. Wanting to be around H as much as possible is like, both just what he wants and also a lot of insecurity of H leaving and deciding never to come back so he's just, a little bit, vibrating about H and trying super hard not to be a creepy stalker about him.
SHUTEN IS A NICE GUY. H didn't get to talk to him a lot before betryal but he did think he seemed p cool, so he's mad at himself for having been bad to him. Even if it was ghosts, in general H is agonizing over how much of it was just his own repressed emotions. So he's like. Wary of approaching and fixing anything.
Also since he was mean to Shuten based on jealousy over Phoenix just. ^ See above talk about Phoenix. Which means that since he's self-conscious about attachment and jealousy in THAT direction, he's going to be EXTRA self-conscious of it if Phoenix and Shuten spend like. Any significant time together that H sees or hears about.
He'd really like to be friends but right now he's internally screaming too much to make the approach, and if he does he'll just pretend everything is fine and nothing happened until it either goes away or explodes. Whoo!
SHUTEN THOUGHT H WAS PRETTY COOL BEFORE ALL OF THAT SHIT. He hasn't really stopped thinking that but he's definitely picked up a level of wariness because he finds himself pretty fixated on H after the game given the... hundred years solitary confinement unskippable. And he figures it isn't unreasonable for the reverse to also be true! But H was specifically sure focused on him in a batshit jealousy gonna possess you to punish you sort of way so, YOU KNOW! CONCERN! PERHAPS!
That said he does intend to approach him pretty soon once he's like, convinced he's free and this is reality. He's likely to semi-try to pretend the haunted house doesn't like.... matter... let's just not mention it yeah? Yeah. HE WILL WANT TO FORGE A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP bc he caaaan't really see himself um. Letting go of the fixations he forged during that century. Might as well force it into a good thing rather than a strictly uncomfortable or NEMESIS thing.
i'm bad at questions so i'm gonna make you ask a question and then i'll reverse you, this is totally a fair format,
Basically just like Phoenix H is wondering how much of his crazy was just ghosts and how much was a magnifying of his own personality/emotions and is very very self-critical right now. With Sanguine it's in some ways worse and some ways better than other people in that like. He knows his possessiveness was proooobably just ghosts because he hadn't spent that much time with him or had any emotional ~moments~ yet. On the other hand that means it's even more embarrassing that he got so wrapped up in it.
He does think they can work it out but he's still too awkward to try. Annnd like with Shuten he'll understand VERY MUCH that Sanguine & Phoenix are close and that he himself drove them closer but he's gonna be... jealous of both... But again with Sanguine he can chalk more of that up to the game itself. But then on the other hand if those feelings towards Sanguine are "fake" then maybe so are all his other feelings of attachment to everyone. So he's almost scared to even talk to Sanguine in case it somehow proves that fear right. Like if they work it out and he has no jealous feelings then clearly it means he doesn't actually care about anyone beyond the jokes he's been making before the game, and he's just a crazy person by default!
He does care though and they were getting along before hand, so he's just freaking out rn. Later on and if they DO talk more, even if they never talk ABOUT betrayal, he'll get more comfortable in those feelings of just... wanting to be friends and spend time together. It's just a lot of guilt and confusion in general.
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Actually, though, he's confused about Phoenix? Definitely likes him. Definitely likes him a lot!! But he's pretty sure that's like, a bad thing. Because he got so focused on him in betrayal now H is like clearly if I feel like I like him for serious it's just lingering crazy. Alsooo he knows a lot of other people are real close to Phoenix and isn't oblivious that they probably Like him too, especially y'know. In his own unit. So he doesn't want to even think about that aspect.
BUT he's still gonna be jealous for awhile. He wants really badly to be around Phoenix but doesn't trust that in himself, so he doesn't want to be around him after all. Buuut since he "can't" cling to him and "can't" have feelings of any depth platonic or otherwise, it's frustrating and will be frustrating to see other people do those things. Which just heightens both the desire to do them and the desire not to.
It's confusing. And he knows talking to Phoenix will probably make him feel better but he doesn't WANNA because he's trying so hard to put a lid on all those things. I say this now but this'll change like, tomorrow, in some capacity, so. It's an adventure.
REVERSE
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But basically he's just. So obsessed with and kind of in love with H? Staring at H and E for a century plus all the other mirror and associated problems has not helped his sanity at all and he has a lot of abandonment issues specifically centering around H personally. And yet he also wants to stubbornly pursue H?? But H doesn't want to date him so he's just like, in a tough position where he's too crazy and needy for H but can't bring himself to back off well and respect H's wants entirely and it's a mess.
He wants to kiss H so bad it's painful.
H is just a big mess of heartbreak and want and confusion and guilt for him right now. He's acting like, surface level sane but really his sanity is... Not? A thing? Not much of a thing. He can function just fine for the most part but his self-esteem is utterly tanked while his neediness is through the roof so it keeps being hard for him to process "H likes me actually" and it keeps getting warped to things like "I'm too damaged and weird for H to like but he puts up with me because he's good" and like, he knows, in a way, his brain is warping things, and H has been straight with him! Been honest! And that helps a lot, he's just. Not in a good enough space to not let his own severe fuckedupness twist it against himself.
It's not H's fault he's just completely having a rough time with rejection in a way he wouldn't normally, but he's absolutely having a rough time with rejection.
That said he's clinging desperately to H still wanting to be his friend, because he has so many feelings about H and while some of them are just like, plain crazy, a lot of them are just his normal affection and crush that was growing on H before that game that have just been amplified by the whole mirror stuff. There's definitely still crazy involved but a lot of it is more in enhancing and intensifying feelings that were already there and growing on their own.
Ultimately, because he knows he's so crazy right now, he really wants to respect H not wanting to be anything more than friends, and he's really glad to retain even that much, but he wants H to date him, and he knows being around H is just going to make that even more intense but he'd rather torture himself with H's company than torture himself being deprived of it, so he'll bother H plenty more and not let H push him away, or try not to. He still has the whole, "I eviscerated you sexually" guilt that is, really hard, but if H doesn't bring that up he'll try to pretend it's not there as a thing too.
He definitely thinks H is the charming and beautiful and magnetic one but like, also a jerk? Wow!! But he loves him so much, both crazily and normally. Wanting to be around H as much as possible is like, both just what he wants and also a lot of insecurity of H leaving and deciding never to come back so he's just, a little bit, vibrating about H and trying super hard not to be a creepy stalker about him.
How's H doing after the game?
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Also since he was mean to Shuten based on jealousy over Phoenix just. ^ See above talk about Phoenix. Which means that since he's self-conscious about attachment and jealousy in THAT direction, he's going to be EXTRA self-conscious of it if Phoenix and Shuten spend like. Any significant time together that H sees or hears about.
He'd really like to be friends but right now he's internally screaming too much to make the approach, and if he does he'll just pretend everything is fine and nothing happened until it either goes away or explodes. Whoo!
REVERSE
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That said he does intend to approach him pretty soon once he's like, convinced he's free and this is reality. He's likely to semi-try to pretend the haunted house doesn't like.... matter... let's just not mention it yeah? Yeah. HE WILL WANT TO FORGE A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP bc he caaaan't really see himself um. Letting go of the fixations he forged during that century. Might as well force it into a good thing rather than a strictly uncomfortable or NEMESIS thing.
i'm bad at questions so i'm gonna make you ask a question and then i'll reverse you, this is totally a fair format,
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Basically just like Phoenix H is wondering how much of his crazy was just ghosts and how much was a magnifying of his own personality/emotions and is very very self-critical right now. With Sanguine it's in some ways worse and some ways better than other people in that like. He knows his possessiveness was proooobably just ghosts because he hadn't spent that much time with him or had any emotional ~moments~ yet. On the other hand that means it's even more embarrassing that he got so wrapped up in it.
He does think they can work it out but he's still too awkward to try. Annnd like with Shuten he'll understand VERY MUCH that Sanguine & Phoenix are close and that he himself drove them closer but he's gonna be... jealous of both... But again with Sanguine he can chalk more of that up to the game itself. But then on the other hand if those feelings towards Sanguine are "fake" then maybe so are all his other feelings of attachment to everyone. So he's almost scared to even talk to Sanguine in case it somehow proves that fear right. Like if they work it out and he has no jealous feelings then clearly it means he doesn't actually care about anyone beyond the jokes he's been making before the game, and he's just a crazy person by default!
He does care though and they were getting along before hand, so he's just freaking out rn. Later on and if they DO talk more, even if they never talk ABOUT betrayal, he'll get more comfortable in those feelings of just... wanting to be friends and spend time together. It's just a lot of guilt and confusion in general.