filetofish | PSLS BECAUSE GAY

Sure, tell me all about it.

[So Rean says, but he's pulling the pillow over Crow's face to muffle him again.]

[You're going to suffocate him Rean!! But he's taking the challenge and the pillow cannot completely muffle him very loudly and graphically explaining his dirty fantasies. There's a lot. Most of them involve Crow turning Rean into jelly but some of them are decidedly M. Catch him, Rean. Sexually.

If he's going to die he's going out in a blaze of thirsty glory. He's not going to leave a single doubt in Rean's mind about that one.]

[It's not that he's not making mental notes, he definitely is, but also, that's a lot for a poor boy who is embarrassed just reading smut.

He finally rolls off Crow and gently kicks him off the bed.]

Okay okay you made your point. Go away.

[He yelps when Rean pushes him off the bed, unable to catch himself when he's wrapped up in blankets. There's a big thud as Crow hits the floor, and then a lot of shuffling as he untangles himself. He's bright red in the face when he does -- he was trying to embarrass Rean but it was sort of a double-edged sword. He didn't really need to take his lewd thoughts out of the room but he sure does now.]

Oh, I'm gonna.

[He climbs to his feet feeling a little weak-kneed, and heads towards the bathroom. He stops at the door though, to turn and give Rean the most shiteating grin he can, and a cheeky little wave.]

Think fondly of me while I'm gone~

[Bye Rean you're on your own with those mental images now.]

[Why did he let Crow take the bathroom?? Shit. Tactical error. And now, after Crow's very graphic descriptions, he's just going to be thinking of what Crow is going to be doing in there...

He flops back with a defeated groan, pulling the pillow over his face. Maybe he can will his own boner away with meditation or something.

Except instead of clearing his mind and focusing his breath his mind keeps wandering back to those fantasies Crow shared, sure the ones with Crow taking the more active role sounded nice but he gets the feeling the ones where Rean's in charge are the ones Crow is really invested in. Or maybe that's just Rean? He can't tell if it's his bias talking or not.

He'll never know if he doesn't ask though.

So he rolls off the bed and approaches the door, knocking loudly enough to get Crow's attention. He doesn't care if he's interrupting! His own arousal is Crow's fault and since he can't take care of that right now Crow can deal with being questioned.]

Hey. Which of those things you said are you thinking about right now? Answer honestly.

[He was actually trying to be quiet, so there's not much noise until Rean knocks. Then there's a startled noise, strangled into an undignified squeak, and a splash as he jumps a little.]

Are you kidding me?!

[His voice is high and tight with surprise and fluster. Why does Rean have to be like this? Who just interrupts a guy's personal time to ask embarrassing questions?!]

[Rean does. And he's crossing his arms trying not to imagine what Crow looks like right now, just leaning on the wall next to the door as he talks through it.]

I'm not kidding. I want to know what you're actually thinking about. I don't really have any experience so none of my fantasies are as elaborate as yours, and I don't know what I actually like. But I figure... I'll learn with you, and it's not a bad place to start, thinking about and I guess eventually doing the things you're really into, until I figure out what I really like, and then we can do both.

...You're so pure-hearted I don't know how you're alive.

[Crow is definitely not going to survive this relationship. But for now he's leaning back in the tub, resting his head against the back of it, closing his eyes, and trying to breathe.

It's honestly gonna be really hard to answer that while keeping his hands above water but he assumes that's what Rean would prefer so he's going to try. He'll just have to curl his fingers along the edges and hold them there.

This is embarrassing but when Rean's so earnest how can Crow reject him?]

But, fine. Okay... I'm thinking about you. Looking up at you and not seeing anything else, or feeling anything else. Just you all over me, and knowing I can't run from it. If I try you hold me til I can't even think about it. You won't let me move and I don't want you to. I feel caught and it makes everything better. You fucking me, and leaving marks, so I know I'm yours and you won't let go. It feels... secure, somehow. More real.

[It's easier to keep going once he starts, but it's harder to hold still. His fingers clench til his knuckles go white and his voice is at once heavy and breathless. He was being purposefully crude before, but this is a lot more honest, and he's a lot more wrapped up in it.]

[Rean isn't sure what about this is pure at all, actually? But he doesn't ask, listening and feeling his cheeks heat and his pants get uncomfortably tight until he has to press his face to the door and try to cool his skin down with the smooth wood.

He wants to go right in there and leave marks on Crow right now. But he isn't sure if the timing is right, he isn't sure what the right timing IS, actually, which is why they haven't done anything but make out and cuddle so far. He doesn't want to rush.

Reminding himself he doesn't want to rush is the only thing that keeps him from asking Crow if he can come in, and after a deep breath, he manages in a fairly steady voice:]

Okay. That sounds... Really nice. I'd like to do that, when we're ready. Thank you. Um. Is there anything else?

[While he's thinking of things to mentally prepare for and study, he might as well make a proper list. And honestly there's just something nice about how erotic it is to know Crow is naked and wet on the other side of this door, and yet opening up to Rean about his sexual fantasies. It's the opening up that's more exciting than anything, more appealing than the thought of any physical act(and yeah those thoughts ARE super nice), the knowledge of Crow being honest and vulnerable with him is just intoxicating.]

Not unless you're gonna come in here and do it.

[He's so desperate right now. Voicing the fantasy makes it all the more vivid, the vulnerable exposure in being honest just an echo of the desire to be laid bare and taken control of.

He wants Rean so bad it's killing him.]

I gotta be honest with you Rean, if you ever ask me that and leave me with it again I'm gonna strangle you.

[There's a little strangled laugh from Rean. He can't say that's not fair, he also can't say Crow doesn't deserve this bullying fully.

But...]

Okay.

[His voice is soft and sincere and terribly fond, with just a little huskiness so Crow doesn't think this isn't getting to Rean, too.]

Next time I ask, I'll follow through.

[He's smiling at the door, feeling strangely calmer having given that promise. It means he's going to ask again. It also means he's committed himself to actually taking this further physically, and though he knows he's not quite ready now, he intends to be soon, he's going to make sure of it. It also means he's got some embarrassing research to do but at least he knows where to go for resources.]

You'd better.

[Because otherwise they're both going to die. Crow's already suffering, shifting in the water as he fails to fight the urge to squirm. His fingertips are going numb but he's still being good. For Rean's sake.]

Now leave me alone.

[What Crow hears on the other side of the door is distinctly not Rean leaving. Instead it sounds like he's sitting down, which he is.]

I don't want to.

[It's gentle, amused even, but his next words are more serious and sincere.]

I'd like to stay and listen to you. I want to hear you, I want you to talk to me. Honestly Crow, I don't think I've ever been more turned on in my life, but it also feels weird when you aren't near. I can't help being afraid when you're not in eyesight, like you'll just vanish again. But when you're vulnerable like this, I feel like I can hang on to you.

Do you mind if I stay?

[Sorry Rean he has no response for that. It's just too much -- too sweet, too sad, too embarrassing. It's also really hot and Crow was ready to pop before this?

He doesnt say anything. There's just sloshing water, followed by bubbles. He's just slid down til he's all the way under water, so he can push all the air violently out of his lungs instead of actually screaming. He'll be back in a moment.]

[Sloshing is not quite the response he was hoping for but it's not a no. He waits a second, and then asks worriedly:]

Crow?

[He comes back up with a splash and a gasp, sucking in all the air he just got rid of and feeling a little light-headed. It helped, though. That was a much needed release of emotional pressure.]

Okay. Sure. This is what we're going to do, I guess. If I don't die first.

You don't have to.

[Rean says it gently.]

Just because I want to be near doesn't mean you can't tell me to give you some space.

[He just... Really really wants to be here. Even if it's a little but like torture in a way.]

It's not that I don't want to.

[No it's kind of the opposite, actually.]

It's just you being so honest about it. It's... almost too much.

[He laughs softly, leaning his head back against the door, staring at the ceiling.]

I'm afraid me being honest to the point of being embarrassing is what you signed up for in dating me, you know.

I did, but you're taking it to a new level here, man.

[Sigh!! He's just gonna get comfortable again, awkwardly watching the water settle around his knees. This is the most self-conscious he's been about anything sexual in... awhile.]

You're planning on returning the favour, right?

I mean, it is embarrassing.

[Rean agrees gently.]

But I don't think it's that out there, when I plan to share my whole life with you.

[Though, well, he looks at his own lap and sighs.]

Yeah, that'd only be fair.

[The romance makes it even more embarrassing, Rean!]

Alright, then. Why don't you tell me what you've been thinking about? You won't convince me you haven't fantasized too. I'm too handsome not to think about.

[He's silent for a long time, trying to think how to word this, finally closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the door. It's not that he's not incredibly embarrassed and dying a little, he is, but also, being sincere and romantic is just his natural comfort zone, so his voice doesn't even sound flustered.]

I told you my fantasies aren't quite as detailed. But... I guess one thing I think about a lot is just... You. What touching you would be like, or what you might sound like when I make you feel good. What expression do you make when you're not being a shithead and are actually just too into it to have your guard up.

I think about it being your hands touching me, not mine, and I think about the way kissing you feels.

You're really into that whole vulnerability thing.

[That's not a bad thing, especially given Crow's own desires. He wants to be left open as much as Rean wants to see him that way. It's sort of hard to get there on his own, though.

Having his guard up, huh? He supposes he really does. He doesn't know how not to. Even now he's sinking down in the water again, trying to get back into it but feeling a little like the door between them is a wall. There's nothing keeping him from running away, in here. He really wants Rean to hold him. Not even hold him down, he just wants to be held. To feel safe.

It's weird, because Rean's voice is extremely arousing. The idea that Rean really thinks about him that way is so gratifying, it makes Crow feel warm all over. At the same time, though, he feels a little frustrated and on-edge, knowing he's not allowed just yet to get up and go actually touch Rean. He's doing a really poor job of putting that aforementioned guard down.

He has to remind himself not to just sit there feeling complicated. Rean can't see him, so he has to speak up.]

...I want all that too, though.

[He laughs, a little pitifully.]

I'm really dying to come out there. I want to see you right now.

Yeah.

[He agrees softly. Because he really wants to see Crow too. Has been wanting to, this whole time. But who knows what kind of can of worms it would open if he went in there right now, feeling as aroused as he does.

On the other hand is it really productive to keep a door and distance between them when he spent a week chasing Crow down only to learn Crow's having an existential crisis?

It seems wrong to stay distant but dangerous to get closer, but he'd always rather take a risk for what he feels is correct than play it safe and have regrets.]

Is it okay if I come in there? I don't want to feel so distant from you.

[Ever, really, but right now especially.]

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