filetofish | PSLS BECAUSE GAY

[There's a little strangled laugh from Rean. He can't say that's not fair, he also can't say Crow doesn't deserve this bullying fully.

But...]

Okay.

[His voice is soft and sincere and terribly fond, with just a little huskiness so Crow doesn't think this isn't getting to Rean, too.]

Next time I ask, I'll follow through.

[He's smiling at the door, feeling strangely calmer having given that promise. It means he's going to ask again. It also means he's committed himself to actually taking this further physically, and though he knows he's not quite ready now, he intends to be soon, he's going to make sure of it. It also means he's got some embarrassing research to do but at least he knows where to go for resources.]

You'd better.

[Because otherwise they're both going to die. Crow's already suffering, shifting in the water as he fails to fight the urge to squirm. His fingertips are going numb but he's still being good. For Rean's sake.]

Now leave me alone.

[What Crow hears on the other side of the door is distinctly not Rean leaving. Instead it sounds like he's sitting down, which he is.]

I don't want to.

[It's gentle, amused even, but his next words are more serious and sincere.]

I'd like to stay and listen to you. I want to hear you, I want you to talk to me. Honestly Crow, I don't think I've ever been more turned on in my life, but it also feels weird when you aren't near. I can't help being afraid when you're not in eyesight, like you'll just vanish again. But when you're vulnerable like this, I feel like I can hang on to you.

Do you mind if I stay?

[Sorry Rean he has no response for that. It's just too much -- too sweet, too sad, too embarrassing. It's also really hot and Crow was ready to pop before this?

He doesnt say anything. There's just sloshing water, followed by bubbles. He's just slid down til he's all the way under water, so he can push all the air violently out of his lungs instead of actually screaming. He'll be back in a moment.]

[Sloshing is not quite the response he was hoping for but it's not a no. He waits a second, and then asks worriedly:]

Crow?

[He comes back up with a splash and a gasp, sucking in all the air he just got rid of and feeling a little light-headed. It helped, though. That was a much needed release of emotional pressure.]

Okay. Sure. This is what we're going to do, I guess. If I don't die first.

You don't have to.

[Rean says it gently.]

Just because I want to be near doesn't mean you can't tell me to give you some space.

[He just... Really really wants to be here. Even if it's a little but like torture in a way.]

It's not that I don't want to.

[No it's kind of the opposite, actually.]

It's just you being so honest about it. It's... almost too much.

[He laughs softly, leaning his head back against the door, staring at the ceiling.]

I'm afraid me being honest to the point of being embarrassing is what you signed up for in dating me, you know.

I did, but you're taking it to a new level here, man.

[Sigh!! He's just gonna get comfortable again, awkwardly watching the water settle around his knees. This is the most self-conscious he's been about anything sexual in... awhile.]

You're planning on returning the favour, right?

I mean, it is embarrassing.

[Rean agrees gently.]

But I don't think it's that out there, when I plan to share my whole life with you.

[Though, well, he looks at his own lap and sighs.]

Yeah, that'd only be fair.

[The romance makes it even more embarrassing, Rean!]

Alright, then. Why don't you tell me what you've been thinking about? You won't convince me you haven't fantasized too. I'm too handsome not to think about.

[He's silent for a long time, trying to think how to word this, finally closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the door. It's not that he's not incredibly embarrassed and dying a little, he is, but also, being sincere and romantic is just his natural comfort zone, so his voice doesn't even sound flustered.]

I told you my fantasies aren't quite as detailed. But... I guess one thing I think about a lot is just... You. What touching you would be like, or what you might sound like when I make you feel good. What expression do you make when you're not being a shithead and are actually just too into it to have your guard up.

I think about it being your hands touching me, not mine, and I think about the way kissing you feels.

You're really into that whole vulnerability thing.

[That's not a bad thing, especially given Crow's own desires. He wants to be left open as much as Rean wants to see him that way. It's sort of hard to get there on his own, though.

Having his guard up, huh? He supposes he really does. He doesn't know how not to. Even now he's sinking down in the water again, trying to get back into it but feeling a little like the door between them is a wall. There's nothing keeping him from running away, in here. He really wants Rean to hold him. Not even hold him down, he just wants to be held. To feel safe.

It's weird, because Rean's voice is extremely arousing. The idea that Rean really thinks about him that way is so gratifying, it makes Crow feel warm all over. At the same time, though, he feels a little frustrated and on-edge, knowing he's not allowed just yet to get up and go actually touch Rean. He's doing a really poor job of putting that aforementioned guard down.

He has to remind himself not to just sit there feeling complicated. Rean can't see him, so he has to speak up.]

...I want all that too, though.

[He laughs, a little pitifully.]

I'm really dying to come out there. I want to see you right now.

Yeah.

[He agrees softly. Because he really wants to see Crow too. Has been wanting to, this whole time. But who knows what kind of can of worms it would open if he went in there right now, feeling as aroused as he does.

On the other hand is it really productive to keep a door and distance between them when he spent a week chasing Crow down only to learn Crow's having an existential crisis?

It seems wrong to stay distant but dangerous to get closer, but he'd always rather take a risk for what he feels is correct than play it safe and have regrets.]

Is it okay if I come in there? I don't want to feel so distant from you.

[Ever, really, but right now especially.]

It's kinda more than okay.

[At this point Crow's just as likely to drop the entire sexy concept as to advance it, with Rean in the room. It's a toss-up. Depends on how it goes. On the one hand he's already turned on and he's been aching for ages to move things farther with Rean. On the other hand he's not exactly done with the existential crisis and instability thing. Rean's been pushing two totally different buttons, between the fantasies and the romance and the vulnerability and the talking about distance...

Crow feels pretty messed up, in some really drastically contrasting ways. He doesn't know whether he wants to crawl onto Rean and fuck away the anxiety, or if he wants to crawl onto Rean and just cling to him. Both prospects are equally enticing. But for now he's staying in the bathtub, slid down as far as he can go without just putting his head under.

All good things in time, right? Right. So no more being ridiculous.]

[Well he has permission. So he's getting up and taking a breath to steady himself before setting his hand on the door and pausing again. It's just a little thing but it feels like a big step, whatever happens when he goes in there is going to matter somehow.

But then he's turning the knob and stepping into the bathroom, approaching the bath with quick, confident steps. He doesn't exactly have a plan, per se, but he knows what he wants to do when he sees Crow naked in the water so he just goes with it.

He kneels by the tub and catches Crow's face in his hands, leaning in to kiss him sweetly, lingering for a bit before pulling away and smiling a Crow in sort of relief. He likes this, being close to Crow, no matter how embarrassed and self conscious he is about the situation.]

Hey. I like this better, how about you?

[Saying he welcomes the kiss is an understatement. He looks startled to see it coming, but when it does he melts into it, lifting his hands to grip Rean's forearms, holding tight in case he pulls away too much. Crow feels like he's been nothing but a big fragile baby today, and that's not really untrue, but feeling that way isn't keeping his kiss from being desperate.

He gives Rean a lopsided smile, doing his best not to show too much that he's still unsteady. Goofing off was thoughtless, so it was a lot easier than addressing feelings and desires.]

Yup. You're too cute to be on the other side of a door.

[Crow is always Crow it seems, and he doesn't mind it too much, pushing Crow's wet hair back from his face.]

Honestly. You even make me chase you into the bath.

I'd have come back from the bath.

[Believe it or not! Not that he minds being chased. He leans into Rean's hand, still not letting go of him.]

You're going to get wet, y'know.

Oh no. What will I do. Water, my one weakness.

[He slicks Crow's hair back more, tenderly, despite the amused sarcasm.]

Maybe you would have to come back from the bath, but I like seeing you anyway.

...Yeah.

[He likes seeing Rean, too. Even if he just saw him a few minutes ago. Even if Crow's the one who spent the last week running.

Goddess his feelings are rough. He laughs again, just to release a little pressure.]

You make me so uncool.

[Rean makes him feel so weak, in all the best ways.]

I hate to break it to you but you've never been cool.

[He says it wryly but then cuts that with a smile, leaning his elbows on the edge of the tub.]

I like you better being a big dork anyway.

You're so mean.

[Crow lets go of Rean's arms, so he can smash his cheeks instead.]

Feed my ego a little sometimes!

Your ego doesn't need it.

[He looks long-suffering but also really happy at having his cheeks smashed. Honestly he's so self-conscious of this position but also so happy to be here touching Crow it's difficult.]

Imagine how ridiculous you'd get if I encouraged you.

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