filetofish | PSLS BECAUSE GAY

Of course. We take care of eachother here. There's not much the rest of us can do to protect you, but you're not alone.

[He runs his hand through his own hair, trying not to stare too intently at Rean while looking for any injuries that need tending.]

I'll get things cleaned up in here while you shower. Take as long as you need. You're not on duty yet tonight, and this is my free day, so we're not in a rush.

[All his injuries are mental and emotional at this point. But still, a friendly face and voice and genuine concern does... A lot. He feels ashamed for how grateful he is but he can't help being sort of overwhelmed, tears stinging his eyes unbidden.

He really doesn't know what else to say, when he feels choked up and lost and gross and grateful and embarrassed all at once, so, kind of like a broken record, he repeats;]

Thanks.

[And he'll try to get up except it turns out he falls right back over because wow does his ass hurt.]

...Do you need some help?

[Poor Rean. Gaius can still remember that feeling -- the dull but intense pain and exhaustion that left his legs feeling useless and rubbery.]

[It's humiliating really, and he ducks his head, shaking it as he takes a few breaths to steady himself from both the over-emotional upset and the pain.]

No, I'm okay. Thank you.

[He's not okay and he probably does need help but he doesn't want to put anyone out on his account. He just picks himself back up, this time carefully using his arms to hold onto furniture as he hauls himself to his feet, leaning on anything he can until he makes it to the bathroom.]

[Gaius frowns but doesn't push. He's painfully aware how little agency they have, and how precious those scraps are. It'd be the height of insensitivity to infringe on Rean's ability to decide for himself -- even if it means letting him struggle.

Instead he adverts his eyes politely, getting up and starting on the promised cleaning. There's a different kind of staff here to handle laundry and deep cleaning, but he can change the sheets and put the dirty things in the laundry shoot in the hall. He can grab a fresh robe from the closet and hang it on the back of the bathroom door, too, raising his voice to be heard over the shower.]

There's something to wear out here. You'll have to get fitted for proper clothes, though.

[Yep, real tailored clothes! This is a very high-class place. Still terrible, but terrible with silk and gourmet food and enough time to sleep.]

[Rean appreciates it. Though it's painful and the shower lasts a long time. It's hard to feel clean, but hot water is somewhat magical in soothing the ache and making the filthy feeling on his skin only a mental after image.

By the time he dries off and puts the robe Gaius got him on he's a little pruney, but he's only limping badly instead of struggling to even walk.

He returns to the room, vaguely expecting Gaius to have left at this point, since he took such a long time. ]

[Gaius is still here! He's fiddling with things idly and making a list of things Rean's room needs so it doesn't feel like he's just loitering, but he's here.]

You're looking a little better. Come eat.

[Oh. Well he gingerly sits on the bed next to Gaius, reaching for the tray.]

Thank you.

[He feels awkward and really unsure but this guy is worrying about him so he'll make himself take a bite of something, chew and swallow and repeat despite not really tasting it.]

Of course. We're all in this together.

[This nightmare of a situation -- alone it'd be hard for anyone to maintain their sense of self, but they're not alone. There are other people here to remind them they're human. That's something Gaius thinks Rean should figure out asap, if he's going to stay sane.]

Try to keep that in mind, whatever they do to you. The rest of us have been through it too, and we'll support you. It's not always horrible here.

[It's quite hard to imagine that it not always being horrible could actually be true. Maybe not with his... coworkers, if they're all like Gaius, but Rean just can't see himself ever having anything but a bad time with clients. He's not nearly capable of that level of emotional detachment, he's pretty sure. But he nods because it's polite and he really is listening, it just seems impossible to comprehend things ever being okay again at all. At least he gets supporting each other, it's just, he really doesn't want to burden anyone else. Which means he has to learn how to survive without breaking.

He stuffs more food into his face mechanically. Barely chewing and then swallowing it without tasting it. ]

Um. Do you have any advice then? In general.

[It's awkward to ask. But Gaius is the more experienced person here, if he's been through all this Rean should listen to him.]

In general...

[Hmm. He's not usually the one to greet newbies so he's not sure how to best balance being considerate with the brutal reality they're facing. It's a nice building with supportive staff, and they do their best to create moments of happiness, but...]

The clients never really get better. Some of them are worse than others, but I've only met a handful I could say I like having around. I... wouldn't get your hopes up, there. If someone says they care about you, they may not be lying, but they don't actually know you, and they probably expect you'd still service them if you left here. It's not evil, but honestly those types are the hardest to deal with.

Even so, it's our job to be pleasing. None of us want to, but if you can't serve clients who want an eager partner, you'll be marketed to the kind of people who want you to be unhappy. We have medical pods here, which is nice when there's an accident, but it also means those clients can do anything short of killing you, so you should do all you can to avoid them.

Aside from that... we get one free day every two weeks, three meals a day, and any material things we ask for, within reason. Take advantage of it. If they're going to control you, you can at least demand to keep your humanity. Go out on free days. Keep hobbies. The best revenge is being as happy as you can.

[He sets the food down. He hasn't quite eaten half but he can't force himself to eat more right now.

He's horrified and scared and angry. How many others like Gaius and himself are here? People deserve to be people, not living puppets. He wants up scream or hit something or cry, but he just looks at his hands and tries to keep the despair from bubbling to the surface.]

Okay. Thank you for being frank with me, Gaius.

What happens when someone can't adapt? Or gets too old? Or never stops fighting?

[At least Rean ate something. Gaius will call that a small victory.]

I've heard if you've done well enough, when you age out the master will free you. I think there are a few sister businesses in town run by those people.

Otherwise... If you're not profitable, you'll die. There are people out there who'll pay way more to kill someone for fun than you'd be worth on the slave market.

...But, Rean. This is going to sound cruel, but I really think you should try to adapt. I actually don't know much about what it's like outside of here in this country, but I know this is far from the worst. There are a few people on staff who actually joined by their own will.

[Gaius hates it here but he's actually also scared of not being here. If this isn't where he'd been taken, he could have ended up somewhere even uglier... But he also wonders a lot if thinking that way just means he already broke without noticing. Still, he'd rather see Rean go through that kind of break than one that ends in being dead or worse.]

[That's really horrifying. Deeply, viscerally, unsettling. Rean scrubs at his face tiredly.

How is he even supposed to adapt? How do you accept no longer having a single ounce of bodily autonomy? He can't even imagine trying to go along with it without wanting to cry, and he's sure crying isn't what anyone but a sadist would pay for anyway.

Yet if he doesn't try he could die, and he'll certainly be putting anyone who shows him kindness out. Can he say he'd rather die than endure? There never really was a choice to begin with.]

Okay.

[His voice is soft and very dead inside while attempting not to sound as hopeless as he feels. Still trying to sound even a little like the reality of the situation isn't just killing him.]

I'll try. Thanks, Gaius. You've been really kind.

You don't have to thank me. I'm sure telling you all that isn't making you feel any less horrible.

[Gaius sure didn't feel less horrible the first time someone explained it to him, that's for sure.]

Ah... I do have one more tip, though. We're not exactly encouraged to compete, but we are priced by demand, so there's no secret who's the most sought-after by clients. If you're at the top, you get a certain amount of power, so if you're the type to try to move up, you can. But if you do, aim for the second rank. The guy at number one isn't a bad person, but he's not someone you want to cross.

It's not. But I need to hear it, right?

[That's a little worrying but anyone aiming for the top in a place like this has to be motivated, right? ]

I think I'll worry more about adjusting before worrying about um, that. But thanks. I'll remember.

What about you? How do you deal with it? Everything.

Me?

[He tilts his head, touching his own chin as he thinks of how to respond to that.]

I try to focus on the part of my life between shifts. I want to have the best life I can, so I treat work as... well, work. It's a job I have to do, so I do my best, so that I can spend more of my free time doing what I want.

It's still awful, but I had a hard time at first so I already know to value what I have.

[He doesn't like any of this!! He scrubs away his face again. What Gaius says makes sense but he's smart enough to know there's a grab between understanding something and being able to live it.]

How did you... manage to adjust, then?

[He's take any advice right now. He kind of wants to die but he also wants to know how to survive even more. ]

Hmm...

[Gaius folds his hands in his lap, looking off into space. It's a bad memory. He doesn't actually want to talk about it, but he doesn't want Rean to experience it himself, so... it must be better to talk.]

I struggled until I was placed with a client who beat me within an inch of my life, actually. I thought I was going to die. But then I thought... the people I love wouldn't want to see me die that way. They'd want me to be happy, so out of respect for them, I have to try.

[That's awful. Thanks he hates it! But it's important to learn from others trying to help him right? He closes his eyes, not even sure what to say. He wants to save all of them from this. Himself, Gaius, anyone else here. He can't do that if he doesn't make an effort but it's going to be hard, even soul crushing, and he knows it.]

Thanks. For telling me. I think it helps to know...

If I've helped even a little, I'm glad. For the rest of the day, do you want to go--

[He was going to invite Rean to go meet everyone and get his measurements taken and all, but he's interrupted by the door opening. Standing there is the master, and Gaius withdraws, standing and bowing right away.

"Playing welcoming committee, are we?"

The master approaches, his cold eyes fixated on Rean. He's not looking at Gaius, but when he reaches them he abruptly reaches over and grabs a fistful of his hair. While still watching Rean he yanks Gaius up out of his bow, and addresses him with icy calm.

"This is a waste of time for someone of your station, Gaius. If you want to retain your position I'd be more productive and less interested in the welfare of others, if I were you."]

...Yes, sir.

[Gaius doesn't resist of course -- he's quietly agreeable, as he's shoved in the duration of the door.

"Go make yourself useful."

There's a glance at Rean, but Gaius nods quietly, slinking off to leave without reacting to the way the master's hand slides down from his shoulder to his ass as he goes. And then Rean's alone with the man.]

[Well that's awful. The sight of this guy fills Rean with a mix of rage and revulsion and no small amount of terror. His urge is to attack him but he knows his body won't, so he sits frozen, breathing shallowly and feeling like a coward for the way his voice is caught in his throat, for the way he feels tiny and helpless and impotent.

But he can raise a protest at the way Gaius is treated, though his voice sounds kind of wavery even to himself. ]

He didn't deserve that, he was just helping me. Or do you want me to fail here?

[Maybe even that small amount of defiance is really stupid but he's not ready to watch someone else get mistreated because of him without saying something.]

Gaius has a bad habit of attaching too easily.

[The master places a hand against Rean's chest, pushing him down against the bed.]

He's too valuable a commodity to risk him getting depressed if you turn out to be worthless. If you need help, there are plenty of lesser whores to be your friend. You can bother that boy when you've proven yourself.

[Great. He freezes up more, barely breathing when he's touched, mind blanking sort of, just in complete terror. Turns out a few hours of constant touch torture leaves lasting trauma.

It does make him easy to push down at least.

If he were more coherent he'd be interested in that backwards protectiveness, even if it's only towards a valuable commodity. But his mind's shorted out for this moment and he has nothing to add or ask when he's not sure he's going to stay conscious for the next few seconds.

It's a little humiliating to find himself this scared of mere touch but there they are.]

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