filetofish | PSLS BECAUSE GAY

[He was going to let Crow make the "when this stops" call but it seems like it's not stopping?? Rean doesn't exactly object. It's really nice, if a bit overwhelming. He's going along with making out for a little while, mainly because he himself finds he doesn't want to stop. It's all a bit intense for his first experience in kissing--well making out now.

When Crow tries to drag him on top though he finally resists. Not because that doesn't seem like an amazing idea, but sort of because it seems like an amazing idea. He's already rather hard, and if he weren't sort of floating on giddy endorphins and how nice kissing Crow is he'd be really self-conscious of that.

As it is his cheeks are pink, his lips are red and swollen and glistening, and he's having to take a moment to catch his breath while he pulls back enough to like, try to talk without pulling so far he's out of Crow's arms. Turns out having Crow's hands all over him is nice. He should try being handsy with Crow next time. If there's a next time. If this isn't some drunken distraction tactic. He's hoping it's not. He's really really hoping is not and this will be a regular thing.

He takes another steadying breath, and finally tries to speak. His voice sounds a bit wrecked honestly.]

Crow.

[And uh. That's all he's got. Actually. Well that's one way to shut Rean up. He has no clue what to say next, all his brain cells have scattered in the wake of passionate, prolonged kissing.]

[Rean's not the only one hard and out of breath. It's not surprising Rean's stopped, but Crow doesn't want him to. In fact he whines a little in protest when he pulls back. It's hard not to be pushy, but he's trying not to be a disaster so he resists the urge to try to climb under Rean's skin.]

You don't have to stop.

[Please don't stop. He doesn't want to think.]

That's the thing. I don't want to, but I think we should. For tonight. Until we talk.

[His voice is getting steadier at least, though he feels no less overwhelmed with both happiness and hormones. If he weren't so Rean he'd be crawling on top of Crow but a little willpower is no big deal. Especially because Crow is drunk, and it would be irresponsible to continue until Crow is sober and they've had a chance to actually talk. This is way too important and a big deal to Rean to mess up with making out on the floor drunkenly.

So he's reaching out to take one of Crow's hands, squeezing it and smiling at him.]

I'll get you to bed and we'll talk about this tomorrow.

[And then maybe continue?? A little at least?? Well, that's the hope, that they'll continue at least eventually.

Goddess Rean didn't know how he's going to sleep, let alone teach class.]

[He lets Rean take his hand, but he's still making a big deal of being disappointed. Rean's smile is sweet, and Crow loves it, but he doesn't love the idea of talking about it.

So he just flops backwards, sprawling on the floor and groaning in complaint.]

Why do you always have to be so responsible?

It's a curse.

[He says it dryly but halls in Crow's hand.]

Come on. Up you get, lazy bones.

[He's going to make sure Crow is in bed with a glass of water... Like a responsible person. Maybe it is a curse.]

I don't wanna...

[Nooo just let him die here. His life is over. He's getting up because he's being tugged on but he doesn't wanna and he's going to be grumbly the whole way to bed.]

Mmhm. Don't be a big baby.

[Rean encourages as he steers Crow to bed, then fetches him water. After setting the glass down he hesitates, should he do more? He's so frazzled, honestly, even if he doesn't look it, but after a few seconds of doing nothing that seem like forever he smiles and turns to head to his own room.]

Good night Crow. Drink all of that. See you after class.

[Aidios help him, he's not getting a wink of sleep tonight with how his heart is pounding and his thoughts are whirling. He could use a good dip in a hot spring to calm himself right now, except in thinking that he's remembering their trip together as Class VII and what Crow looks like mostly naked annnd he's not getting any sleep tonight at all.]

[Crow is pretty stressed out himself, but he's also had enough to drink that once he passes out he's out hard. So when Rean leaves in the morning he's still in bed, snoring peacefully. When he comes home there's dinner on the table, but Crow's out in the back yard, sitting on a bench, looking at a book but not really reading.

Rean's going to want to talk. Ugh. He's not even hungry.]

[Predictably Rean barely slept. And then he spent the day trying to focus on teaching only to get asked by various people about Crow, which left him blushing and flustered every time. So a good 70% of his day has been being teased or otherwise flustered.

Honestly he gets home harried. He isn't even tempted by dinner right now, he just wants to find Crow, and when he does he drops onto the bench next to him with a heavy groan of relief. He doesn't even mean to disturb his reading he's just glad to be here next to the man in question instead of fielding more relationship status questions.]

[He jumps when Rean sits down, startled out of his thoughts. There's no leaning today. Just looking at him with slight apprehension, hidden behind a tired smile.]

Long day?

Yeah.

[He's already feeling better though. Though now the anxiety is more focused. Butterflies in his stomach kind of feelings.

He's the one who said they should talk, but he's realizing he doesn't know how to start. He was too busy all day to sit down and think about it, even though it's the only thing that's been on his mind. And now they're here. And now he doesn't know what to say. Staying up all last night staring at the ceiling wasn't productive last night either.]

Uh... Honestly I've been so busy I haven't figured out where to start. How about you?

[Maybe, actually, he should ask to clarify Crow's feelings, but maybe Crow will do that himself. He's sure if they just start talking they'll figure it out.]

[Crow sighs, closing his book and leaning back. Staring up at the sky, he's quiet for a moment before responding, without his usual enthusiasm. It's like when he told Rean about his past. The weariness, the uncertainty in a tone that tries to remain light and flippant.

It's not a big deal. It's not worth getting upset about. It's not worth sympathy, even though it's the single biggest thing weighing on him now.]

I've been hoping you'd forget you wanted to talk, to be honest. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. You keep going on about wanting to know everything, like it'll all work out if I just tell you what I'm thinking. I want to tell you you're wrong, but I can't. Every time I've thought it's too late to fix anything, you've looked at fate and said "up yours", and it's turned out fine. But that's what bothers me, and that's why I don't want to talk. But I already blew it, so... I dunno. It's past the point where I can get away from it. Right?

[He listens. He's a good listener. Taking in all of Crow's words and thinking about them, turning them over. He looks a little embarrassed at the praise regarding his ability to tell off fate, but he doesn't interrupt. He's quiet for a little while, considering.

It feels like Crow is... He doesn't know actually. That's what's bothering him. And he wants to know.]

I guess if you mean am I going to ignore last night, yeah. But that's not bad, I think. I just want to know what you want. I still want to know what you're thinking all the time. And how long you've wanted to kiss me. And I want to know where you want this to go, too.

I like you. I thought about it last night and all day. I really really liked kissing you. And I like spending time with you. Last night, when you weren't home, it was actually really lame but I was pretty panicked until I tracked you down, probably more than is normal.

This is all really new, I mean, to me in general and between us especially. So it's not like we have to decide everything right now. We can take things a bit at a time.

But we should figure out, um, what direction we're taking them, I guess?

Eeh... That's really up to you.

[Alright, Crow. You can do it. Just tell Rean what you're thinking. This should be way less intimidating than pulling off an assassination or faking your death or fighting in a war or actually dying... but it's not. Part of him would rather leap back to his death than have this conversation, but after all Rean's done for him he supposes he at least owes him honesty. He'll just do his damndest to make it sound like he's not that invested.]

You're the one it's new to. I've been thinking about it almost since we met, after all. I'd have been perfectly happy to go all the way last night, but I know you're the romance and courting kinda guy. I'm surprised you returned it at all, actually...

That long?

[Rean Scwarzer, war hero, Awakener, leader of Class VII. Thick as a brick.

He scratches his cheek, then turns to look at Crow.]

I'm not dead, you know. And you're really attractive. But even so I wouldn't have kissed you back if I didn't want to.

[He may be in his early twenties and have never dated anyone but he's also not desperate? He's the kind of person to whom this all means a lot, so he's never minded taking his time and waiting for someone he can be absolutely serious about.]

I mean, if I weren't interested I'd be telling you right now. But... I'm not doing that, because I just said I like you. I just...

....

I need to know how serious you are, I guess. I don't want to just be a fling for you--and I don't think you'd treat me like that, but I just really want to be on the same page. If we just talk everything out I really am sure we'll work it all out somehow or other.

[As friends, as more, whatever happens, he's a big believer in talking.]

You're such a dweeb.

[Crow sighs, sitting up and bracing his hands on his knees. Having Rean say he's hot is nice. The idea that this could be a relationship is nice. But he's getting that sense of being an impostor again -- he doesn't belong here. There's no reason for this. It shouldn't all work out.

But they're friends. Classmates, Rean would have said back then, and there's only so much lying a man can do. He's telling himself over and over "you owe him, Crow Armbrust".]

Y'know, I wouldn't be here if not for you. Not just because you saved my life, or brought back my memory, or chased me all that time, but... because you made me want to see my own future. This'll probably piss you off, but I feel like I owe you more than I could ever possibly pay. I don't have anything anyone would want, but I have myself, so if I could give that to you... But I didn't kiss you because I owe you or anything.

[Hahahaha not even a little... No that's definitely an element and the awkward laughter is a tell, but that's far from the main reason, which is:]

I just always liked you, even if you're a dweeb. I know, whatever I'm chasing myself in circles about, I never have to doubt you. And honestly, I have no clue what I want to do with a future, or if I really even want one, but I do know that if I'm going to stick around, it's you I want to stick to. I'm not really the kind of guy to go on about the stars in your eyes or cheesy stuff like that, but... eh. You can extrapolate on your own. I'm just telling you, I'll follow you wherever you go, whatever you want to do. And to be honest I'd be in your bed in half a second if you just snapped your fingers. It's dumb, but... when it comes to you, I'm not joking.

[He's blushing again as Crow talks, taking a deep breath at the end.]

It's a lot isn't it?

[A lot to consider. A lot of feelings. Complicated. But they're talking now so that's good, they'll untangle this in no time if they keep at it.]

For the record, if you borrow mira from me I'll definitely charge you ten times the interest of last time. But... When it comes to chasing you down, that was pretty much all for myself. I refused to let you go because I didn't want to, so you don't have to feel like you owe me for me doing something I was doing despite you rejecting my meddling. I'd do it again, too, even if you told me not to. You're already stuck with me, you don't have to feel obligated on top of that, you know?

[But then there's the rest to address, and he looks down at his hands and then up at the sky and he doesn't feel his cheeks getting any less pink. Oh well.]

It's not like that's not... I mean. [Crow in his bed sounds nice, Rean has a normal sex drive he's just abnormally... Considerate and serious.]

Look I don't know what I'm doing. With any of this. But I know I like you, and if you're serious about this, I want to be--[an item? Lovers? Boyfriends? He gives up on the word for now.] Together.

But since I really haven't dated before, I want to take it slow too. I need to figure this out and you're going to have to help. And talk to me more, like this. It's a bit scary but also exciting, and I know if we just talk things out it'll work out.

[And maybe if he's not stressing about Rean so much Crow will eventually develop a passion for something else again. But one thing at a time.]

So, um, I guess this is basically... Would you like to go out with me, Crow?

...

[There's that blank look again. Not sad this time, just... Really. Why did he have to fall for a guy who likes to take it slow? He watches Rean's face for a moment, then sighs.]

If you insist.

[But he's not going to stop feeling like he owes Rean anytime soon. And he's not going to stop being thirsty. He is however going to mostly behave for now. He does flop over though, putting his head in Rean's lap and his feet up on the arm of the bench.]

I guess I knew what I was getting into.

[We can only savour cute domestic dating build up once, Crow! And Rean intends to savour it. And also mildly panic a lot, probably. HOW DOES DATING WORK HE'S NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.

He takes a deep breath and looks at Crow on his lap. This is already way hot and heavier than he's emotionally prepared for but then again they started at making out. It all seems backwards?

Rean is definitely the kind of guy that would take three months to work up to holding hands, if left to his own devices.

Speaking of hands he doesn't know where to put his. Normally if Crow draped on him he'd just lean back on his hands but like, now they're dating officially it feels different but he still doesn't know where. To put. His hands.

Save him.]

I guess... That makes us boyfriends now. Haha... Sorry it's a little surreal I guess. It needs to sink in.

Oh, yeah? I'd say I'm surprised by how easily flustered you are, but that's part of your charm, isn't it sweetie?

[Now whose turn is it to be terrorized? That's right, Rean's. Crow's just lying in his lap making eyes at him and grinning.

This is more his element. Let's stop talking about serious things and move on to stupid things!]

Crow...

[The serious things do seem to be resolved for now. So Rean is groaning in flustered embarrassment. Not that that doesn't make his chest tighten and his heart skip a beat.]

You're not going to go even a little easy on me?

[Newsflash, he's already holding back, Rean.]

You wouldn't survive if I went hard.

[It's definitely already going easy. Like reaching up to boop his nose instead of saying embarrassing things really loud until the neighbors are scandalized.]

[He sighs and then...smiles. A soft happy smile looking fondly down at Crow. Wow. Gosh. He's actually dating Crow now?? It's all so sudden and it doesn't seem real yet.]

I guess I just have to keep trying to catch up to you.

[In school Crow was ahead in helping people, and ahead of Class VII as C, and then as Awakeners Rean was still playing catch up. It seems like he's always chasing Crow somehow, so maybe this is more normal than he thought.]

I should be used to you being ahead of me by now.

Edited 2018-04-30 08:44 (UTC)

Oh, I'll keep you on your toes til the day you die. Trust me.

[Cause of course he intends to be at Rean's side for that long. He was intending that already.]

I'm looking forward to it.

[He really genuinely is. Just, with Crow maybe at his side from now on?? But hearing that is really inspiring, because it means Crow is planning to not vanish on him.

He finally decides to be brave with his hands, gently and almost cautiously sliding one into Crow's hair. It feels thrilling?? But he asks immediately;]

Is this okay?

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